Dear Diary: Nadya Suleman (mother of octuplets) As imagined by Matthew Coutts
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MONDAY
The house is eerily quiet this morning, as I wait for the homecoming of my eight new babies, still under medical observation. No fingers to wiggle, no mouths to feed. No teeny tiny feet to play with. Sure, my other six kids are around here somewhere, but I’ve already done the whole wiggling, feeding and playing thing with them. I have so much more of myself to provide. More bundles of love to offer the world. Share with me world, enjoy my bundles.
TUESDAY
Went by the hospital today to visit Noah, Jonah, Makai, Noah, and the rest. Got to hold one of them, Angel Three I think. I can’t help but think how lucky they all are, never knowing the moderate isolation of single childhood. We should have regulations in place forcing parents to have multiple childbirths. Tax credits per preemie or something. Like China, but opposite. A male nurse made eyes at me while I was there, obviously mistaking me for Angelina Jolie, circa Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Oh, Angie will get a laugh out of that when she hears. She loves reading about that kind of stuff in the daily correspondence I leave pinned to her front gate.
WEDNESDAY
Momma broke the news to me this afternoon — we’re going to lose the house over unpaid taxes. What was mother thinking? She is so irresponsible. I’m out there every day striving to succeed at my goal of giving birth to an orchestra. The least she could do is keep a roof over my head and feed the children. And provide clothing and get them to school on time. If she doesn’t shape up, I swear I’ll move out and maybe take my kids with me. On top of that, she called my decision to have octuplets unconscionable (which is ridiculous, I was awake the entire time).
THURSDAY
The public is focusing on the wrong things here: lack of income, single parenthood, attempting to use children to fill the vacuous void created by an unsatisfying childhood. People should focus on the joy from my glorious gifts … and the glorious gifts that should be rolling my way. That one couple who had septuplets[…]